Wednesday, 27 June 2018

So, This Is Imposter Syndrome

Earlier on this year I started a new job at a new company.

I am a big lover of change, so I was very excited to start a new chapter in my life.

It can be daunting to start a new job. Some of my worries include whether I will get along with everyone, what the management team will be like and whether I will actually be able to do the work.

I just wasn’t expecting to worry about the last point so much. 

I think part of it is because in previous jobs I have gone in at entry level, whereas for this role I went in as a manager.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to go in knowing everything and to not need any help, which of course is unnecessary. There’s no shame in asking for help, especially when in you’re in a new company that does things differently to what you’re used to.

I am pretty confident with my skills and knowledge required for my job. I’m very aware that there’s always more to learn and different ways to look at things. But I feel like I got the basics nailed down, at the very least.

Despite this I have been worrying that I don’t actually know what I am doing.

The panic I have felt about being fired has been very stressful. It took me a while before I even considered it was Imposter Syndrome. 

I first learnt this term a few years ago, but I haven’t moved job in a few years so I never really gave it much thought. Up until now.

According to Wikipedia around 70% of people will ‘experience signs and symptoms of imposter phenomenon at least once in their lives.’

If you haven’t heard of Imposter Syndrome it basically occurs when you feel like a fraud, you doubt your accomplishments and you have a persistent fear that you are going to be exposed as a fraud.

Pretty much sums it up for me.

When people have asked for some work, I have sent it and dreaded getting a reply back like “what the hell is this, do you even know what you’re doing?” or that people will discuss how bad it is behind my back.

If things have gone wrong beyond my control I feel like it was because of something I did or that I could have done something to prevent it, and everyone knows it.

If things have gone right then wasn’t that just lucky for me, definitely not a direct result of something I did.

It’s felt like a ticking time bomb situation until everyone finds out. Once they realise I am a huge fraud they will rightly fire me straight away and I should give up working in this industry because clearly I know absolutely nothing about anything and who in their right mind would hire me again.

The Muse and Start Up Bros, amongst many others, have articles on how to get over imposter syndrome. 

They recommend things like identifying why exactly you feel this fear, reminding yourself of all your achievements, talking to someone about it to help identify your irrational thoughts, remembering that being wrong doesn’t make you a fake and to try writing your story down.

With time my imposter syndrome has started to fade away, yay, but it’s not completely gone. I’ve gone from worrying every day that I will be fired to maybe worrying every few days. 

I’m going to try all the tips I find online and if something works then I’ll update this post if any of it actually does.

Have you dear with Imposter Syndrome before? What helped you through? 

Dress: New Look
Shoes: ASOS


Saturday, 23 June 2018

Less Than 24 Hours In Venice

Venice was the first stop of three on our Italian adventure, and it was also the shortest stop. We were there less than 24 hours so it was a whirlwind of pizza, pigeons and pretty sights.

The boyfriend goes away with work a little bit and has saved up points or whatever it is you save up with, so we used one/many of those to get a free night in the Hilton Garden Inn.

It’s not in the centre but it’s just a 10-15 minute bus ride and the stop is right outside of the hotel, so if you’re looking for a hotel stay then I’d recommend this. The bus cost around €1-1.50 so very inexpensive. 

I usually like to plan my out my holiday days fairly rigorously, organised fun is the best kind of fun after all (I got your back Monica). 

However, since we were there for such a short amount of time, my boyfriend had been before and apparently it’s quite small, I threw caution to the winds and decided to just go with the flow. What a maverick.

To be fair just wandering around Venice is amazing in itself, the place is so damn beautiful.

As Alexander Herzen said - ‘To build a city where it is impossible to build a city is madness in itself, but to build there one of the most elegant and grandest cities is the madness of genius.’

The whole city is one big instargrammable location!

We grabbed some pizza (cos Italy) and ate it while sitting on the side of the street with our feet dangling over the sparkling water and taking in the views. Meanwhile across the bridge a group of middle aged men sat in a cafe spontaneously burst into song opera style. It was one of those unplanned perfect moments. 

We made sure to stop by St Mark’s square, or “the square” if you’re a Venice local, which has the most famous building in the city - St Mark’s Basilica. The detail on the building is breathtaking, I can’t believe it’s been around almost one thousand years!

You may have seen a few pigeon pics from this square, but be warned. 

I said no to the guy with the seeds so many times but he would not listen and shoved them in my hand anyway. When the pigeons flew away he asked for 10 euros, we were like ‘come again hun?’ and just gave him 5 euros cos no we did not ask for them and with the exchanges rate that’s almost £10 for a few seeds. I don’t think so.

From St Mark’s we made the short trip (a few minutes walk) to the fairly tiny but very famous bridge of sighs.

The legend goes that the view from this bridge was the last thing convicts would see before being imprisoned. It’s said the prisoners would sigh before heading to their cell (however according to Wikipedia this is not exactly true but still it’s a pretty spot so worth a look).

Here we also gazed upon Doges Palace, which looks out onto the Grande Canal. We didn’t have time to go inside but it is supposed to be just as stunning.

The Grande Canal is the largest canal in Venice, it is in the shape on an ’S' and it splits the city into two sides. There are just four bridges that go over this cal and we went to the Ponte di Rialto bridge, which apparently is the most famous.

There was so much life around the bridge with restaurants and shops spilling out onto the streets, and people chattering away and taking lots of pics. The hustle and bustle made it one of my favourite spots in Venice.

A trip to an Italian city would not be complete without a glass or two (or three or four) of vino. There are plenty of wine bars to choose from so it shouldn’t be too difficult to get your hands on a delicious red.

We headed to a wine bar on a side street from the bridge. I can’t remember the name but it seemed to be popular with the locals, which is alway something I look out for as it usually means good quality and fair prices.

Our stay in Venice was short but sweet (thanks to the ice cream), so there are a few more things I would like to go back and do.

I would love to do a gondola ride. They tend to cost around €80 euros for a 30 minute trip, but with this being the first stop of three in Italy we decided to be a bit tight with the purse strings. Next time! 

You can also take a boat ride along the Grande Canal which is a  lot cheaper than the gondola, I think around €30.

I really wanted to pop on a ferry to the vibrant and colourful island Burano, but as it takes about 45 mins to get there I just didn’t have the time. 

I did try to go up the architectural beauty that is Scala Contarini del Bovolo but it was closing just as I got there (which I think was around 6/7pm). I got to see the stunning spiral staircase from the outside which will keep me going for now, but I’m aching to get up and see the glorious views of Venice. 

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